He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
