9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
