rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
