Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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