I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
