porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
