The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
