Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
