I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
