Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
