operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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