she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
