Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Two words: nipple clamps
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