i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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