I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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