If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The air taste purple.
Randomize
