just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We just shotgunned beers for America
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
