I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
