Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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