Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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