dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
