I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are my feet made of real feet?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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