question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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