hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize