Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
