my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
