and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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