that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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