I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
