The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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