oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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