Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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