Do you still have your period?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
