i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I did not marry a roomba.
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