Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
