It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize