i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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