You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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