I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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