It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
