there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
