Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize