I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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