If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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