No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
