Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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