I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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