my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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