I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize