tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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