If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
