Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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