Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
