I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
