I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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