3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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