I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
