mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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