was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Randomize
