No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize