Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
