I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
