Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize