Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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