is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
