i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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