kristin has been a bad kristin
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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