tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
